Oh, Tumblr. How you’ve been my vehicle of relaxation and winding down during this quite interesting year. And I say “interesting” in the most general sense. 2010 has been both amazing and devastating. It has also taught me SO much about how to really be a conscious person and take in my surroundings as they change.
As a teenager, I have the tendency to think two things:
a. Nothing can hurt me.
b. I know everything.
Well, 2010 begged to differ. I learned (unwillingly, may I add) that I, in fact, can be hurt. And not just hurt by getting my hopes up about a boy or having a friend stab me in the back. It was much more complex. I had the terrible opportunity of having one of my closest friends pass away. Of course there was the whirlwind of “But I just saw her yesterday! She was fine! I spoke to her an hour before you called and told me she was in the hospital.”
For anyone that doesn’t know, my friend, whom I’ve mentioned is Kanya, my friend who suffered from bulimia and anorexia. She was the sunshine to so many people and I told her everything. She taught me a great deal when she was alive, and, oddly enough, she continues to teach me lessons on loving myself. Having to go on without her, however, has been a struggle I’ve learned to mitigate. It’s gotten easier, but I most definitely know now that no matter how strong I am and how well I am at pretending I’m okay, sometimes it just doesn’t work. All in all, you learn to live with it and just cherish the memories shared.
As if that wasn’t a big enough change in my life, I transitioned from being a little Georgian girl living on the island of her roots, to being a little Dominican girl back in the South, however relocated to a town she knows nothing of.
Being in Chattanooga and befriending the people who live in the small suburb of Tiftonia (or Lookout Valley if you actually live there) has, as interesting as it may sound, taught me quite a few interesting things. Sadly, when I moved to Chattanooga, I had originally decided to go to the performing arts school located across town. When My dad informed me that I would be attending the small high school right down the street, I instantly created this mentality that I was much smarter than them, for I had traveled more and spoke another language, as opposed to these kids who had stayed in the Valley their whole lives.
This was true to an extent. People marveled over the fact that I was fluent in more than one language and came from a different country. After a while, though, instead of sticking my nose up at them when they didn’t understand an Algebra problem or know that so-and-so General fought this battle in the Civil War, I decided to observe them and see what made me and the rest of them so different. And it wasn’t that they weren’t smart. They were. They had just been taught at a different pace than I had back at my private school in the Dominican Republic. I’ve often found myself re-learning things that I had forgotten when they were initially taught to me and realized that it was very refreshing. It was a relief that the academic pressure put on me at my previous school wasn’t present here. Of course, they praise students who keep their grades up, but it isn’t a competition anymore. Now, it’s all about me and my goals for myself. No one else. And I love it.
Apart from my new-school experience, I’ve had a chance to have my sister close by again, which is such a blessing now that I’m older. She is the one who truly keeps me in line (in regards to the “I think I know everything” factor). I try to bite off more than I can chew. I try to grow up too fast, thinking that I’ll be able to handle it due to my maturity level. I probably could, but I don’t think it’d be the best idea. My mental sanity would be at stake.
All I’ve got left to do for this year is eat and laugh as much as I can, for a cleansing 2011 awaits me.